so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
