Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He better not be in your backpack
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
