I wish I could punch you in the face.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
