You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
