He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was confusing and full of hummus
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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