i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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