He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
