U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
