That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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