Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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