Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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