god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
