what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
