apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
