she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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