it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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