Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
