Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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