put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
