Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
