i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
