Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
