Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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