My brain says no but my pants say off.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
