I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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