I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
