Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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