I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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