mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
