clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
