why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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