too bad you live with your parents still
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
