I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
