I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
