Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
