Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
