But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
