she takes plan B like it's going out of style
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
