I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
