I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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