Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
