I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
