so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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