Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
