Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
