he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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