Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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