there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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