My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
