What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
