there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
