i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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