Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
