I wish I could teleport
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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