im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
