I have demons in me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
