why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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