I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
