The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
