I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
