i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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