Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
