Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
