The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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