worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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