You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
