some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
