No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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