The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize