everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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