Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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