I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
