I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
