god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she told me i tasted like america
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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