I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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